Archive for January, 2009

Recharged Batteries

January 28, 2009

After weather delays and what felt like forever in the airport, I finally made it back to Atlanta. I have to say I found my Milwaukee trip to be somewhat ironic. See, with MS I would go in every month for an IV of steriods. This would “recharge” my battery so to speak. It (along with my shots) were enough to keep me mobile and kicking. Wait… lets not forget the one who truly charges my battery – God!

Ever since I got out of the hospital in Dec, I have felt like I’ve lost my mind. I’m always so worried about having my heart meds that I forget everyday things. (Some of you reading this will simply say it has nothing to do with the heart failure and everything to do with being Cathy’s daughter.. Right now I disagree…) Anyways, this trip I left my cell phone chargers. And as you can guess, my cell phone batteries died. No juice!!

I wasn’t able to catch the earlier flight back to Atlanta so I hopped on my computer to catch up on emails and well… play on facebook a little. What happens next – my computer battery dies! I had the charger with me, but sometimes finding an outlet in an airport is like finding a needle in a haystack. And speaking of needles, total side note but I know the guy sitting next to me does botox. He has to – absolutely no wrinkles and nothing on his face is moving. Besides that he is reading the National Enquirer…..

Ok, back to my point – is this one of life’s little lessons? Symbolically trying to tell me I need to recharge my battery? I know I do. All my numbers this week for my heart were off.  I adjusted meds to help until I could get back to Atlanta and now I will take a little break from travel. I’ll still be working, just not be the road warrior I’ve been here lately.

And reality – don’t think for one minute this means you are winning. It simply means I am recharging my battery. You tried really hard to shake me this week and it didn’t work. It was 6degrees and I wasn’t tempted by that steaming hot bowl of jalapeno cheddar potato soup. I had a lunch meeting at this great little hamburger joint and I stuck with my grilled chicken. And that was a tough one – those burgers smelled delicious!! In my excitement in the airport I dropped my snack to hold me over until I got home (and the airport is not one of those places you institute the 5-second rule). While I was hungry I didn’t indulge in the Pizza Hut it felt like the rest of the plane bought. You didn’t rattle me, you didn’t shake me. And you know what else…. even though my stupid GPS took me in about 500 circles to get back to the airport I didn’t get road rage! Ha!! So how’s this little fight against my stresses working for you????

They say that your dreams are a microscope into your soul. If that’s true, then let me tell you about the real dream I had last night, a little insight into my soul. I had my gi on (for those who don’t know its your karate uniform), I was up next to fight in the tournament. Master Ahn was giving me some last minute coaching when the ref called me to the matt. I could feel the intensity building up in my chest. I could feel my feet harden over the coldness of the matt. I’m looking at my opponent, who I assume is you reality, but the face is blacked out. All of a sudden this huge rush of adrenaline hits me and I explode. I knocked you out with one of the most beautiful spinning back kicks. I felt my foot crsuh thru your ribs just as clearly as I can feel this key I type on right now.

Look really close into that microscope reality – you will see a soul that is determined to fight you to the death. You may have taken away some of my former luxeries, but you won’t take my life. I’ll recharge my battery next week and be ready for battle again. This is far from over…..

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Facedown, huh??

January 26, 2009

Well, well, well…. Reality you’ve been a little quiet here lately. Trying to regoup? Actually trying to find a group to help you fight? You’re not big enough or strong enough to take my little butt down by yourself so you recuit reinforcements? Fine – BRING IT ON!! Bring-It-On!!

I’ve tried to forewarn you that I was raised in karate. I even went so far as to tell you one of my favorite martial artists to study under – Bruce Lee. And yet, you still don’t get it. You think adding all of these people here over the last week and a half to attack me would work? Obviously you know NOTHING about training to get your black belt. With each belt you move up, you fight more people at one time. So bring it on. Throw as many at me as you think you need to – you still won’t win.

Obviously we are back in the ring again. I knocked you out pretty fast in Round 3 last time. I can see you’ve tried to train a little, you’re throwing me some good punches. However, I can also see that this time you really want to play dirty. But this is far from over. And don’t think the referree is going to start counting me out just yet. You couldn’t win on the food angle, so you’re hitting up my stress level as much as you can. I’m going to tell you right now that I didn’t fight like hell to get out of that wheelchair, to get off of my walker and put my cane away to let a “group” of people (or YOU) be able to bring me down for good.  (sidenote for people who may be a little confused right now, my doctor has told me I do not know how to relax. And this is a key aspect for my heart to get stronger – to just relax…..Reality has decided to launch the next battle with me by attacking certain stresses in my life)

One characteristic that made Bruce Lee such a powerful martial artists is that he knew how to read his opponent. He could anticipate your move before you even threw it. And he knew how to instantly turn strength into power. And his philosophies on life were just as powerful and magnectic as he was. Here is the one I have really been meditating on lately:  “Be Formless, shapeless like water. Now if you put water into a cup it becomes the cup, you put water into a bottle it becomes the bottle, you put it into a teapot it becomes the teapot. Now water can flow or it can crash, be water my friend.”

Here is where I got such a good laugh at our latest little fist fight. I’ve been angry about this in my mind, its caused me to lose sleep…. and when I landed in Atlanta this afternoon and got off the plane – two songs played back to back at random on my ipod. You all know how strongly I connect with music. And these two songs gave me back this fighting spirit that was silently resting. Things were starting to go so well I had almost forgotten you were still there Reality. Not anymore!

“Do you fee like a man when you push her around
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground……

Face Down in the dirt
She said this doesn’t hurt
She said
I’VE FINALLY HAD ENOUGH!!”
Song: Facedown by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

“I ain’t gonna be just a face in the crowd
You’re gonna hear my voice as I shout it out loud
It’s my life, it’s now or never
And I ain’t gonna live forever
I just wanna live while I’m alive
It’s my life, my heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said I did it my way
I just wanna live while I’m alive
IT’S MY LIFE!”
Song: It’s My Life by Bon Jovi

I’m cracking my knuckles getting ready to land the next blow. You think I’m facedown, well – this doesn’t hurt! I’ve had freakin enough and you better hear my voice loud and clear because it’s MY life not yours to mess with!

Unsolved Mysteries….

January 23, 2009

So this is a little bit of an expansion on my last blog about how everyone woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I got an interesting email from my mom, its one of those forwards that has a cute message and then asks you to send it on to 12 more people. As much as those type of emails normally annoy me, the message it was rather profound for me. Here is the email (and I cut out the part where you have to forward… so you are officially excempt!)

“God doesn’t  give you the people you want, He gives you the people you NEED   –  To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make  you into the person you were meant to be. Dear  God:   The lady  reading this is beautiful, classy and strong, and I love her.  Help her live her life to the fullest. Please promote her and cause her to  excel above her expectations.  Help her shine in the darkest places  where it is impossible to love.  Protect her at all times, lift her up when she needs you the most, and let her know when she walks with you, She will always be safe.”

Many times in my life I have made the comment – I know God put you in my life for a reason. But that was always with pepople that were involved in some kind of support system in my life, or there for some momentous event. People who were there for good times and bad. I’ll give you an example, one of my best friends had a bad divorce in her life. I met her not too long before I got a divorce and we instantly became friends. When I found out I was getting a divorce, I just knew God had put her in my life to help me get thru that tough time. She was right there beside me without hesitation and many times just knew all the right things to say. (Thanks Pam!!) Here’s another one: my cousin’s wife, Tiffany. He probably thinks God made her as the love of his life. But I think God put her in his life to find me (I’m half-way joking here people…) She has become one of my closest and best friends too, has been one of my biggest supporters and I couldn’t ask for a better person to be in my life. Both of these girls I am so grateful for to have in my life. And I feel so strongly, God put them in my life for a reason – to enhance my life, to help make my life better, He knew I needed them & they were there.

But what about the people who hurt you? The ones who leave you? I’ve never sat back and looked at it from the perspective that God put them in your life because you need them too. Maybe just like the people yesterday who got up on the wrong side of the bed. God was putting them in my life as a way to remind me that I need to slow down, I need to just take a deep breathe, I need to remember the bigger picture of whats important in life? I guess my mom’s email had such a significant impact on me because I have been struggling with some nasty attitudes and ugly relationships here lately. Some have been professional ones from a work perspective and some have been close, personal ones that sting deeply. One relationship in particular has really had me baffled. On the outside this person puts up the appearance they care for me and are truly concerned about my well being. But on the inside they have done everything possible to sabatoge our friendship and my trust in them. And it seems like everytime I turn around I get slapped in the face with more hate from this person.

But God feels I need this person in my life? God feels I need those other ugly relationships that I don’t understand and would prefer to just cut off. Is it to teach me mercy – like the mercy He gives me? Is it to teach me compassion – like the kind He always has for me? Is it to teach me forgiveness – how He has forgiven me? Is it to teach me sacrifice – because He made the ultimate sacrifice for me?

I lash out at God. I say horrible things under my breath when I’m mad, I talk about Him behind His back, I challenge His wisdom, authority and guidance all the time. I’ve turned my back on him in the past and run as far and fast as I can. And yet, everytime when I am ready, He has accepted me back with open arms. Not once has He waivered His love for me, not once has lessened His support. He has always stood right there beside me and forgiven me without another thought to it.

Is this why we need the people who hurt us in our life? And if God has that kind of capacity, why can’t I even have a small percent of that capacity in my heart? Just something I’ve been thinking about… and something weighing on my heart. While I have been making all these changes in my life, I want to make sure they are changes for the good, changes in the right direction. And its so easy for me to just cut off someone who deeply hurts me, but is that really the right thing to do?

How is all of this making me a better person?

Did everyone wake up on the wrong side of the bed today?

January 23, 2009

Ever have one of those days you just say, “Man I woke up on the wrong side of the bed!” I know I did today. All my numbers were off for my heart, all I wanted to do was stay in bed and sleep and I had a stupid plane to catch. This week of travel has just caught up with me I guess….  So I wasn’t in the best of moods leaving town this morning. And it appears that half of Atlanta was in a bad mood too. I will tell you I think that flight attendant will think twice about her answer next time someone asks for those little bottles of water.

What is wrong with people? I may have been in a bad mood this morning, but the only one who really knew it were the drivers on the road that could actually hear me yell at their stupid driving. Well…. and that flight attendant got the message LOUD and CLEAR that I was not happy with her. But seriously people, either everyone in this world needs to get on happy pills or we just need to learn to take days off when you are in a seriously pissy mood.  I know getting upset over stupid stuff is not good for my heart. I’m working on it, (but part of this is just a big sign to me that my heart is getting better since I’m fighting back…). I’m not saying we need to live in this big world of harmony and peace all of the time – this is America, thats just impossible.

But people, can we agree to just chill out a little  bit? Ever see the movie pay if forward? Or what about that insurance commercial where one person stops another from getting hit so then that person does something nice for someone else…. Is that concept really too big for us to grasp our arms around?

Ugh…. America – we are going to lead ourselves to strokes and heart attacks if we can’t figure out how to get up on the right side of the bed.

And the Winner is…. LINDSEY!!!

January 20, 2009

So how did you like that knockout punch reality??? Did it hurt to feel the sting of my multiple blows to your head? Did you hear me smirking at you when you were too weak to get back up off the matt? You have done nothing but talk trash to me for the last 40-days. Well son, talk only gets you so far. Your mouth was writing checks your body couldn’t cash. And the funny thing is you little SOB – I even warned you. I told you my strategy on fighting – to learn your enemies weaknesses. And I have been studying you so closely. Like a lot of other people, you grossly underestimated me, my strength and my abilities. Now because I love an extra tough challenge, hear this warning – and you better take it to heart. Do not underestimate my abilities again or that could be a grave mistake you won’t ever recover from. I know that there will be another rematch. But for now, I have the HeavyWeight Kicking Heart Failure’s Ass Championship Title Belt, and I’d like to just see you try to take it back.

Everyday is a fight with that loser reality. Trying to make my heart slowing stop pumping blood thru it so I just die. Trying to make me so angry, frustrated and depressed that I will just give up. REALITY – when are you going to get the message that it won’t happen. Yes there will be days when I am angry as hell. Yes there will be days when I am so frustrated I want to pull my hair out. And yes there will be days when I get depressed over all of this and seriously wondering when I get my break. But those times are only temporary. (And for anyone out there reading this who has the balls to say “I’ve never been depressed a day in my life” – I’m flat out calling bull shit on you! Getting sad or depressed over a horrible situation doesn’t make you a looney-tune – it makes you human. Its how you decide to react to it that makes the difference.) I was raised to have a strong back bone, to be a fighter in mind, body and spirit, to never back down and to always give thanks to the One who gives me that capability – God. So for everyone out there praying for me – keep it up. But don’t pray for lighter burdens on me, pray for me to have a stronger back!

The only limits we have in life are the ones we put on ourselves. In the hospital my ejection fraction was 15%. I could barely breathe, I could barely move or function. I was like a zombie. It was a toss up as to what would happen. Every 33 seconds someone in the country dies of heart disease. 1 out 2 women will die of heart disease (guess you want to be paired up with me, huh???) The life expectacy for a woman under 70 diagnosed with heart failure is 8 years. My heart was weak, and well… we just didn’t know what was going to happen. I have been and will continue to read everything I can get my hands on about heart failure, nutrition, the effects diet has, and hollistic medicines that may help – anything…. As I said, everyday is a fight for me. If I can’t get my heart stronger than I might as well just die. Its not enough for me to just be breathing, I have to be able to live.

So today, on Day 40 of heart failure, I got the call from my cardiologist that my ejection fraction had improved from 15% to 35%!!!! Knockout Reality!! If I can keep it in the 30’s or higher that means I am no longer in the risk of needing a pace maker. And I may be able to get back to exercising faster than I thought. Even the doc’s office was surprised with how well my heart is responding. While I was completely escatic, jumping up and down and screaming… a part of me wasn’t as surprised. Because you see… “This not tournament Daniel-Son.” This isn’t about getting in the highest dance class level, it isn’t about getting a medal, or riding the fastest race. This is my heart, this is my life – this is me being able to live. As Buddha said, “Endurance is one of the most difficult disciplines, but it is to the one who endures that the final victory comes.

So reality – because I know this is just the beginning and there will be many more encounters to come, let me leave you with one last warning. This is from a man I have a great deal of respect for, was an incredible martial artists and one I have enjoyed studying his teachings:

A fight is not won by one punch or kick. Either learn to endure or hire a bodyguard.”  ~Bruce Lee

REALITY – GO HIRE A BODYGUARD!!!

It’s Not My Time!!

January 16, 2009

Just in case anyone is keeping count, we are on Day #38 of surviving heart failure! I saw my cardiologist yesterday and got some good news and bad news. Overall, it was good – I’m heading in the right direction. He felt I was doing extremely well for this short amount of time out of the hospital. And I got the “Best Dressed Patient” Award!! He, he! Well of course I’m going to look cute. So you know when I am back to styling and profiling and worried about my lipstick that I am feeling better. Sorry… I digress… So he said I was doing good, still not eating enough sodium, not drinking enough water, and that I obviously have still not figured out how to relax. Ha!! Oh…. and I need to slow down. If I slow down anymore than I already have, I will come to a complete stop! I feel like I’m only going 10 mph right now anyways. But as my Dad said, my 10mph is most people’s 80mph.

Now for the bad news: I’m still not released to go back to my exercise regiment. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! This is driving me crazy. I am ready to go for a long run, lift weights, go to dance class. He reminded me that he told me I had to not be myself for the next three months. And like I said before, patience is not a virtue God blessed me with. I have all this energy that has been dormant for the last month…. So I see him next month, we are re-running heart tests and based on how those look he may let me get on the treadmill there while hooked up to monitoring machines. If those results look promising then we’ll make some decisions about letting me start a cardio rehab with the heart clinic. Does that rehab include sky diving???

Don’t get me wrong… I’m excited that I am moving forward and not backwards. I’m just not moving at the pace I want to. But then my mind reverts back to that story of the tortoise and the hare. Remember who won the race????

Going through this really has given me a new appreciation on life, and makes me wonder how some people can go through life so blindly. LIke how can you just sit still when you hear the most incredible rock song? How can you not tap your foot, bounce in your seat, bob your head at a minimum…. or put on those stripper shoes and do your sexy walk around the room?? (SHOUT OUT to all my ladies at PoleLaTeaz – I MISS YA’LL SOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!)

What’s sad is how many people live their lives like this. Not even enjoying the music. And while I would dance my ass off, I really was no better either. I was doing what most Americans are doing – whatever it takes just to get by. But not really truly enjoying life.

I didn’t die in December when my heart failed, but it sure as hell felt like I did. The essence of who I am was temporarily taken away from me. I say temporarily because I will get it back. You will see me soaring thru the air again, LemonDrop will rock Bon Jovi on the pole like something fierce, I’ll feel the wind brush thru my hair as I flly on my bike, and you’ll hear the blood, sweat & tears from when my trainer kicks my butt in the gym!

I thought my divorce was a second chance at life. No, it was a second chance at love. (I want to insert a sidenote here… I’ve made several comments referring to my divorce. While it was extremely painful, I loved my husband with all my heart. He was and still is a wonderful man whom I have a lot of respect for. And am proud I can call him my friend.) If I find love again in this life, that’s great. But its not at the top of my priority list anymore.

This is my second chance at life. I’m going to hold on to it as tightly as I can. If it changes me, I’m going to let it and truly enjoy EVERY beat of my heart. Because everytime it beats, I still have life. And that means I still have a chance to really live!

So… Mom, I know you are reading this. I’m sorry, but my second tattoo and the skydiving – that was just the beginning!!  And for anyone out and about in Atlanta tonight – watchout!! I’m in the mood to stir up a little trouble!

Since you all have figured out the music gives me life right now, I leave you with the song that inspired this blog, and captures where I am today!

“I look around to the plans that we made & the dreams we had
I’m in a world that tries to take them away
Ooohhh, but I’m taking them back!
Cuz all this time I was too blind to understand what should matter to me
My friend this life that we lead it’s not what we have
It’s what we believe

It’s Not My Time, I’m Not Going!
There’s a fear in me, it’s not showing
This could be the end of me and everything I know…
ohhh, But I Won’t Go!!

I Won’t Go Down!!”
Third Eye Blind: It’s Not My Time

A Grace Disguised….

January 15, 2009

After I got divorced a friend of mine recommened this book called “A Grace Disguised” by Jerry Sittser. It was such an inspirational book to me. It’s about a man who finds God’s grace through one of the most traumatic experiences a person can go thru – the loss of his wife, mother and child all in one car accident, and how the soul grows through loss. In the book he writes, “All people suffer loss. Being alive means suffering loss….. Living means changing, and change requires that we lose one thing before we gain something else.”  I am not trying to compare my situation to his in any means. His book, I feel, helped prepare me some for how to seek out God’s grace when you can’t possibly imagine it could be there. Because that is a question I have struggled with since being diagnosed with heart failure (well.. and let’s face it – since going through the entire year of 2008).

And when you least expect it, God will just tap you on the shoulder to remind you that He’s still there. And then when you’re not looking, you start to see the grace that’s disguised in your life.

For me, these are some of the graces that have brought me back to life over the last week (and given me back a little spunk…): being asked to have brunch with some incredible girls and share life experiences, kicking reality’s butt with travel this week, trying octopus for the first time, having a disagreement with someone and actually arguing profusely my point back (remember people, I’m supposed to be relaxing, resting my heart..), yelling at someone in traffic (I think only my close family will understand this one), laughing at macaroni noodles with no cheese and other memories, three tacos, the best trail mix this side of the Mississippi, and my favorite – Realizing the Twist in My Story!!

I connect so much in my life with music. Secondhand Serenade is one of my favorite bands. And their song, it just captured me this week, I was singing at the top of my lungs in my car, I was laughing hysterically at all these small graces, and some I didn’t even mention, that just made me smile, made me happy, made me feel alive.

“I’m longing for words to describe how I’m feeling, I’m feeling inspired
My world just flipped turned upside down, and turned around
Say what’s that sound?? It’s my heart-beat
This couldn’t be better, My heart-beat
It’s stronger than ever
I’m feeling so alive! I’m feeling so alive!

I’m finally waking up
A Twist in My Story!!”
– Secondhand Serenade: Twist in My Story

I have finally woken up!! So… stick around so you can see the twist in my story….

Somewhere there is a village missing its idiot

January 13, 2009

Why do people say the stupidest things? I feel like this should be Bill Cosby’s new show – didn’t he have one that was kids say the darnest things?? For years I have sat back and listened to people mock, laugh and make fun of me when my MS is acting up. “Oh… she’s had too much to drink.” “I know she has cerebral palsy.” “What happened to you, someone run over your foot or something?” “But you look so normal, there can’t be anything wrong with you.” Newsflash – there isn’t something wrong with me, there is something wrong with you! And with the MS, I’m used to it. (okay – I didn’t really just sit back all the time – I have some snappy little comebacks when I’m in the mood…) You can sit there and make fun of me all you want to when I have a relapse. But let me clue you in on something. Ignorance is FAR more debilitating than MS will ever be to me.

Now with this heart failure I’m having to deal with stupid comments all over again. First let me say how amazed I have been that people seem to think having congestive heart failure is like catching a little cold. Umm.. please enlighten me – please in your infinite wisdom tell me how my heart going into failure, my heart saying I can’t pump blood thru it, my heart potentially stoppping (which FYI means I’m dead)is remotely the same as having a cold or anything like it? Secondly, it appears that everyone has slept at a Holiday Inn last night and woke up medical doctors today. If you have great low sodium recipes, please pass them on all day long. But if you have never been to medical school, have never known anyone with heart disease, have never had to deal with heart disease – then do not insult me by telling me how to treat my heart failure. And for those people who seriously are not medical doctors, do not for one second think that you know more than my cardiologist who specializes in heart failure or my neurologist who specializes in MS.

And for the love of God – stop asking me if I am “back to normal”? Am I no longer a normal person just because my organs don’t work the same way as yours? Does this make me some type of lepar in society? Its perfectly fine to ask me how my day was, how am I feeling, am I getting any stronger, how’s the low sodium diet going, are you getting more comfortable with the new life style. Genuine questions that people ask me about how I am and how my health is, thats okay. I don’t want to scare anyone off from checking in on me. I just wish sometimes people would think twice before they make comments to you.

It’s okay to not know the right thing to say. Hell, I don’t even know the right things to say to myself some days. Its okay to be scared about this. Trust me, I am. Its okay to not know what causes this and ask questions about that. I’m still learning and will continue learning about heart disease and MS.

I guess today I just hit my limit with stupidity.

Just BOUNCE!

January 11, 2009

How is everyone doing out there???? Good I hope. I will say I am much better now after having a great dinner with my good old friend Suzie and catching up. I haven’t seen her in 10 years, and let me tell you- – we had A LOT to talk about!! Craziness. But last night I wasn’t doing all that great. Actually, I was down right pissed off. And had I been allowed to, I could have really put a serious hurting on a punching bag.

For those of you who don’t know me all that well, I am used to operating at 180-mph. Go, go, go all the time. So it’s frustrating to me to be tired. You’re probably wondering what happened with my Chicago trip and this little boxing match I have going with reality. I made it to Chicago. I actually did much better with my food, since I packed more of it this time. But I realized that it’s a lot harder for me to stand and do presentations for a long amount of time. This trip wiped me out. I was soo tired on Friday. I had set aside Friday night to clean up my apartment. Yeah, that sooo didn’t happen. I’m not used to NOT having energy.

I know that it is still really soon since I got out of the hospital. But damnit, I am only 31 years old. I should be bouncing back a lot faster from heart failure than this, right???

Before when I would travel and was flying back to Atlanta, I would have my Ipod on the whole time. Once I got off my plane I would dance my way thru the airport to my park’n’ride bus. No cell phone – just me, my music and dancing! This was just my little routine, I was in my own little Lindsey world and happy to finally be back home. On Thursday when I flew back, I had my Ipod on, but just didn’t have it in me to dance thru the airport. Then Bon Jovi came on!! My sister has jokingly said he wrote this one song, Bounce, just for me! And while I wasn’t dancing, I did have more of a Bounce in my step! It was enough to give me a little attitude going thru the airport and enough to make people wonder why I had such a big smile on my face. And tonight I got another little Bounce in my step – reconnecting with an old friend, laughing at old memories, talking about all the new stuff going on in our lives. It was a good reminder that sometimes the best things in life are to hear the wonderful sound of laughter from a good friend. Thank you Suzie! And thank you Julie for giving me this song – it has brought back some Bounce into my somewhat dull life right now!!

So ladies and gentleman – I leave you with a little Bounce (or at least my favorite parts)!! May you all find a little bounce in your lives!

I’ve been knocked down so many times
Count it out 6, 7, 8, 9

Call it karma, Call it luck
Me, I just don’t give a f*&%
Bounce, Bounce
Nothing’s gonna keep me down
Bounce, Bounce
Stand up, Shout it Out
Bounce, Bounce
Play hard, Play to Win
Count me out, Count me in
I’ll be Bouncing back again

I’ll take the hits, But not the fall
I know no fear, Still standing tall

Bring it on, I like it rough
In your face, I’ll call your bluff
It ain’t karma, It ain’t luck
Me, I just don’t give a f*&%

BOUNCE!!!

Song: Bounce by Bon Jovi

Round Two

January 8, 2009

Ok, let me first put one little thought out there – I don’t know if I will write on this everyday. So no expectations…. just have a lot to get off my chest right now.

Here’s a little update on my battle with reality. I made it to Chicago, with a very tired (yet cold) heart and short breath. But I made it. And can I just say, why in the world do adults think its cute to wear pajama’s thru the airport??? People, its not cute. On a baby its cute. On an adult I need to pull out my fashion police badge!

Back to my little fight… there is only so much planning you can do. Lesson learned. But due to my superior planning, I am here and not crashing. I’m tired mind you, but not crashing. I have shortness of breath, but don’t need to be hooked up to the oxygen tank. So, reality, you have me in a pretty good choke hold right now, but I’m not ready to tap out just yet. And I hope you liked that piercing elbow to the eye, that one will definitely leave a mark! While I’ll give you round 1 from earlier this week, I think the judges will agree this round goes to me! And just to give you a heads up sucka, I have a few tricks up my sleeve for tomorrow, so watchout!!

Some of you may feel like I am being a little over-dramatic here. This is a whole new life for me. I was used to running thru the airport to barely catch my flight, running airport to airport – city to city. Oh, and while running I was responding to emails on one phone and catching up with a friend on the other. And once I got there the workout clothes would go on and I’d go for hard run and then lift. Stay up late working and then start the routine all over the next day. Right now, I can’t imagine just running thru the airport. There was no running today. And had I needed to, we would have just missed that stupid flight. Not even the paramedics could get me off this bed on a treadmill right now (besides the fact my doc would kill me!) Multi-tasking is like learning how to walk all over again. I sounded like I had run a marathon today just talking to one of my collegues on the phone while I was packing. Just like Jordan Spark’s song says, “Tell me how I’m supposed to breathe with no air.” Tell me how I’m supposed to survive if I can’t be Lindsey.

I get that we as Americans need to slow down a little bit, breathe the fresh air and smell the stupid roses. But God, if you’re listening… haven’t we taken this one just a hair too far????