Archive for April, 2010

Life Changes

April 30, 2010

So many times I have heard new mothers say they never truly knew what love was until they held their baby for the first time. While I’m not a mother, I feel like I finally understand that statement. Babies are born everyday, but this baby is particularly special. This baby melted a cold, hardened part of my heart I didn’t think would ever feel again. I even found myself calling everyone telling them she was the most beautiful baby ever born. (however, I may be just a little biased…)

“Children make you want to start life over.” – Muhammad Ali

I never would have expected this little 6-pound package to make such an impact in my life. Anger, frustration, hurt feelings were all washed away the second I laid eyes on that precious, little face. And for me, my life changed. It no longer mattered who was right or wrong. All that matters is that she is in my life, and my purpose is to make sure she has the best life possible.

I love you Baylee Rose. Born April 19th at 6:42p.m. – the minute my life changed. You are a sweet rose in the garden on life.

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Time

April 18, 2010

“Time is all you have. And you may find one day you have less than you think.” – from The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch

For 2010, time seems to be flying by at a faster speed than years before. And I’m not quite sure why. I know this year is not turning out quite the way I had anticipated. But time has been really been weighing heavy on my mind. I have been appalled at the amount of time people in this country have invested in hate. I don’t know if its been directed towards hate of the unknown, hate of what they truly don’t understand or hate of what they cannot control or change. Either way, it’s still hate. I’ve been disappointed at the time people who were my friends have spent severing any bit of past we had together. My eyes have been opened at the amount of time certain people have spent showing their true colors. And let’s just say the picture they have painted is far from being beautiful, inspirational or even one I want in my life anymore. I’ve been saddened at the time wasted on the small, petty things in life that really weren’t going to move you forward in your quest. Time used to throw out words that you can never take back. Time lost to simply telling those you love how you feel about them, because you never know when you won’t have that time left to say everything you wish you had. I’m surprised at the time I have needed to heal, and still need. I struggle with this one – I’ve been frustrated and in the same, excited at the time I’ve devoted to one particular love. I hope I don’t get to the end of that road to discover it has all been a waste of my time.

Time. There never seems to be enough minutes or hours in the day to do everything that needs to be done. We never seem to have enough time to spend with our loved ones. And for me I feel like this year has been a race against time. I see an hourglass in front of me with the sand slipping through it, my time slowing running out. Because of that, many priorities in my life have changed. I would say even more so than with the battles I faced last year. I’m not wasting my time fighting unnecessary fights, investing energy in relationships or activities that aren’t going anywhere. But I am giving more time to me, to the people who matter and count in my life, to my health, and most importantly – to my relationship with God. He is ultimately the one who can give me the time I need.

One of my New Year’s Resolutions, my main one – I am still diligently working on. And it seems about every turn of the road another brick wall gets put up in front of me.  In The Last Lecture, Randy writes that brick walls are there for a reason. I’m trying to figure out the reason for mine. I honestly think part of them are to force me to stop and trust God, because that is one thing I haven’t been the best at doing lately. Another reason for them, I think, is to make me want the end result that much more. But one thing I have with a brick wall being put up – is time. Time to figure out how to get over it.

At the end of the day, all we have is time. Time can be on your side or work against you. How will you choose to use it? Don’t wait till the day comes for someone to tell you your days are numbered to start living like it was your last day. And while this year hasn’t started off the way I hoped for, I have time to change the direction in which it goes from this point on.