Archive for August, 2010

There Must Be Something More?????

August 5, 2010

I’ll go ahead an answer that question out right – yes, there is something more. I wrote a paper for class and the title was ” The Journey is the Destination”. Never before has this been so true in my life. You guys have followed me over the last year and a half as I struggled and fought my way through this mess of heart failure and my life being flipped upside down and shaken sideways. One of my biggest frustrations was simply wanting to know what road in life I was supposed to go down.

The words you said to me, they couldn’t set me free
I’m stuck here in this life, I didn’t ask for
There must be something more, Do we know what we’re fighting for
Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in
With all these mask we wore, we never knew what we had in store.
.” – Secondhand Serenade

One of my favorite sayings is that we never promised this life would be easy, only that it would be worth it. As doors got slammed in my face, the numbers on my heart went up and down and up and down, as I fiercely tried to just find my place; I am starting to see that the journey really is the destination.

I was stuck in a life I definitely didn’t ask for and I sure as hell didn’t want. No one goes into marriage expecting to be divorced. No one hopes they have to completely┬ástart their life over again at 30. No one wakes up one day and decides they want to fight for their life, fight for their heart to just work right.

And just when I thought there wasn’t something more than this out there for me, God answered my question. I am finally exactly where I’m supposed to be. Everything I’m not has made me everything I am. I honestly didn’t know before now exactly what I was fighting for. And for a long time, I feel like I wasted energy fighting for the wrong things. But I know what it is I am fighting for. When you get on the right path, so many things just fall into place.

There is something more out there for me. I am living, breathing and indulging myself in it right now. And what is so awesome, is that I know this is just the beginning. There is still so much more for me out there. Finally, my heart is open to welcoming all of it.