Salt is Not the Spice of Life’s Blog

Everyday I wake up in complete amazement of this gift God has given me that grows daily in my stomach. I stay in awe since for so long I was told I could not have children. Ever since I was 20 years old my body has been pricked, beaten and put through the ringer to stay healthy, to fight diseases…. to just live. I don’t think I have ever truly appreciated the value of human life as I have during this pregnancy.

While the type of heart failure I have is not genetic, it’s the consequences of medicines I had to take; I still have this fear that my baby will have heart issues. I never want my child to struggle the way I have. Today we had another ultrasound and I got to hear what to me is the sweetest sound in the world – my baby’s heartbeat. There is no doubt in my mind he will grow to be a strong man, all you have to do is hear his heart. And there is absolutely no doubt that this little guy will be stronger than I ever was or could be.

The icing on the cake today was hearing the doctor say, “His heart is perfect” while looking at the ultrasound. Perfect!! The words ‘heart’ and ‘perfect’ in the same sentence, and from something inside my body???!!! That has been unheard of. It’s almost an oxymoron in some sense.

I have struggled with trying to find my place in this world. Many paths I walked down were the wrong ones. Doors that started to open were closed. At the end of the day, I still don’t know exactly where I am going in this craziness I call life, but if for one minute I second guess my purpose in this life, all I need is to hear his heart beat.

So now I have a favor to ask of you. I want you to find that sweet sound that will ground you, give you peace, reaffirm your commitment to this life. We all have moments where we want to throw in the towel and give up. But God has bigger plans for all of us. Sometimes all it takes it sitting still and listening to that sound. I am forever changed by mine.

I first started this blog when my heart went into failure in 2008. I was pretty much imprisoned to my couch in an effort to let my heart rest and recover. During that year of writing, I did much soul searching and actually changed directions of where I was going in my life. As my heart got healthier and stronger, my life started getting back to some semblance of normalcy and hence the writing stop.

How ironic that I am now back, in a very similar situation. Yet again I am imprisoned to my bed or couch in an effort to allow my heart to rest and in this case, stay strong so I can make it safely through my pregnancy. As before, I took you all on this journey of self discovery and realization, the ups and downs of happiness and heartache as I struggled to find my way on the new path God was taking me down.

Now, God has opened a door I have always prayed for, but never thought I would get to walk through. I’m going to be a mother. And I want you all to join me as I go through this amazing journey. As I’ve already seen, this has yet again changed the direction I am going in my life and allowing me time to do more soul searching and self discovery.

So buckle up!!! This is definitely going to be a bumpy, wild, but worthwhile ride!!