Everyday I wake up in complete amazement of this gift God has given me that grows daily in my stomach. I stay in awe since for so long I was told I could not have children. Ever since I was 20 years old my body has been pricked, beaten and put through the ringer to stay healthy, to fight diseases…. to just live. I don’t think I have ever truly appreciated the value of human life as I have during this pregnancy.
While the type of heart failure I have is not genetic, it’s the consequences of medicines I had to take; I still have this fear that my baby will have heart issues. I never want my child to struggle the way I have. Today we had another ultrasound and I got to hear what to me is the sweetest sound in the world – my baby’s heartbeat. There is no doubt in my mind he will grow to be a strong man, all you have to do is hear his heart. And there is absolutely no doubt that this little guy will be stronger than I ever was or could be.
The icing on the cake today was hearing the doctor say, “His heart is perfect” while looking at the ultrasound. Perfect!! The words ‘heart’ and ‘perfect’ in the same sentence, and from something inside my body???!!! That has been unheard of. It’s almost an oxymoron in some sense.
I have struggled with trying to find my place in this world. Many paths I walked down were the wrong ones. Doors that started to open were closed. At the end of the day, I still don’t know exactly where I am going in this craziness I call life, but if for one minute I second guess my purpose in this life, all I need is to hear his heart beat.
So now I have a favor to ask of you. I want you to find that sweet sound that will ground you, give you peace, reaffirm your commitment to this life. We all have moments where we want to throw in the towel and give up. But God has bigger plans for all of us. Sometimes all it takes it sitting still and listening to that sound. I am forever changed by mine.
Salt is Not the Spice of Life's Blog 
October 28, 2011 at 2:42 pm |
never thought it was possible.. i can see his face clearly, regardless of the miles that separate us, and feel his breath on my skin; with just his simple ‘hey there you..’ those three words hold more value than any other three and make my world right.
yep, sappy coming from me.. but perfect.