Looking for a Lifeline

I’m starting to wonder if I am ever going to get a good night’s sleep. Not from the uncomfortableness of being pregnant, but from nightmares. I used to love waking up and being able to remember my dreams. Now that love only serves to haunt me throughout the day…..

One might say that part of my nightmares comes from the spiritual battle that is going on in my life. I would like to add all the unnecessary drama to that equation. From people wanting to hash out arguments from well over a year ago, to a person who seems it is their mission to ruin and rip apart my marriage to people just saying out right ugly things to a pregnant person – it’s no wonder I stay stressed out most of the time and can’t seem to get any rest.

Add on top of that the endless medical bills that are stacking up from me having a high risk pregnancy and not able to work right now. 90% of MS patients go into remission during pregnancy, and guess what – I’m a part of the fun-filled 10% that gets to fight this hateful disease while trying to keep my baby safe. Realistically, I have no idea if my heart is going to medically make it through this pregnancy and have to live with the fear everyday that I may not be here to take care of my son. My seizures have come back full force.

The doctors have said over and over again that I need to rest, to sleep, to relax. I don’t need stress in my life. The medical and financial stress is all on me, but for the rest – why can’t people just give me a break until this baby is born? Why do they feel that proving they are right is more important than my health and my baby’s health?

“Is there anybody out there?
Can you pull me from this ocean of despair?
I’m drowning in the pain, breaking down again
Looking for a lifeline”
– Lifeline, Papa Roach

I know where my life line is – God. Ironically, in one of my devotionals the other day it said, “You have no idea of where God is going to engineer your circumstances, no knowledge of what strain is going to be put on you either at home or abroad, and if you waste your time in over-active energies instead of getting into soak on the great fundamental truths of God’s Redemption, you will snap when the strain comes, but if this time of soaking before God is being spent in getting rooted and grounded in God on the unpractical line, you will remain true to Him whatever happens.”

God, I’m looking for a life line right now. A life line of peace and rest to get through this pregnancy. A break. And maybe even one restful night’s sleep.

3 Responses to “Looking for a Lifeline”

  1. Amber Ehrman-Jones Says:

    I have ALWAYS believed that everything happens for a reason–even the most horrible, gut-wrenching, spirit breaking, life-altering things. Something magnificent and profound is supposed to come from even the aforementioned events in life. And not always immediately–sometimes it takes generations to manifest the true purpose for such madness and chaos. My prediction: This kid is going to cure MS or be in the front of a culture blending movement that will change the world…or both! 🙂

  2. Joanne Says:

    Dear Lindsey, You are a sweet, kind and loving person and you have people in your life who love you. I pray that you can ignore and avoid the people who are causing you stress.You and baby G are OK right now and this is a day to day kind of thing. It is so hard to be patient, but you are doing it.You have the best life line. It seems to me that between having to pee at night as baby G gets bigger and caring for a newborn that it’s possible not to sleep through the night for several months! To the couch with your remote!!!!!

  3. April Stansel Mathis Says:

    You have a wonderful life with a wonderful man….keep your chin up and know that regardless of what happens you have love. I know the stress of medical bills, medications, and then on top of that DRAMA, but you need to focus all energies on the wonderful life that is growing inside you. Good luck,

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