Posts Tagged ‘Multiple Sclerosis’

Confession Time…..Saturday Morning

January 23, 2010

I’m sure at this point when people read this on my blog they are going to hate me. How in the world can I even begin to complain or have a complaint? I’m on the trip of a lifetime, getting the opportunity of a lifetime – to see and experience events few non-celebrity people get to do. I’m traveling with a quadrapalegic who would probably love to feel pain in his legs, to feel anything in his legs….. Yet, it’s saturday morning, and I have another confession to make……..

I just don’t know how much more my arms and legs can lift. They are so tired, they’re turning into noodles. I haven’t lifted anything over 15 pounds since before December 2009, so this week has felt like I’m training for the Ironman Competition. And even though I am clearly struggling, Drew seems to have the utmost patience with me when I screw things up.

I have so much respect for him and his family right now. Really gives me a new appreciation of what my parents have dealt with throughout all my medical mishaps. As soon as I want to complain I just look over at Drew, and my mind cannot begin to understand or comprehend what life is like for him. I hate confessions. I hate that I even think these thoughts of weakness.

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Confession Time…..Friday Morning

January 22, 2010

I woke up so tired and sore. I can feel my legs starting to shut down. I can feel I’ve put too much stress on my heart, fluid is backing up in my chest like there is a running facet inside there. And I feel like the most selfish, vain bitch for even feeling this way. I guess maybe by writing it I’m not saying it out loud, as if that makes this any better. I don’t have the right to complain. Drew can’t feel his legs, can’t move his legs. I’m trying so hard to help with moving him in/out of his wheelchair, getting him dressed and I feel like this weakling. As I blow dry my hair I can’t stop my eyes from watering up. I don’t want Drew to see me crying. I’m sitting here frustrated because my legs are tired and my heart is exhausted. And Drew is in a wheelchair.

Just as I am about to hit rock bottom from the guilt of feeling sorry for myself Drew starts laughing. He’s watching some of the video I took last night at his party. That smile lights up my heart. That laugh lets my body know it will be okay, it can make it. Despite the bruises, the aches, the pains – I will be okay. If he can have the strength to survive on an icy road, I can muster up the strength to continue doing this.

Confession Time….

January 21, 2010

I can’t get the conversation I had with Melissa at the bar Tuesday night out of my mind. I’ve heard Drew tell his story of what little he remembers happened, and what people told him happened; but to not only hear her words – to see the fear still in her eyes at the thought of losing her brother. It really has moved me. They say when you have children you experience a love unlike no other, true unconditional love. I would match that with the heartfelt words that came from Melissa’s mouth. She truly would, will and did move mountains to help Drew, to make his life a little easier, to get him anything he needs, to put a smile on his face. If you could see the fierceness in her eyes when it comes to her brother, you would understand. She was not going to lose her brother, not then and not now. He is her heart. Makes me wonder who in my life would fight that hard for me? I know two – my mother and my father. Drew and Melissa have a very special relationship, a special connection. Almost makes me jealous that I don’t have that same type of bond and relationship with my brother and sister.

People have often said to me that if they were in my situation they don’t feel they would survive or be able to fight. I kindly would reply with you just never know how you will react until put in the situation, that often times you will surprise even yourself. I am the one now saying those words – I don’t think I am strong enough to survive what he has. I don’t think I would have held on 16 hours on an iced over road with the desire to live like he did. And I definitely don’t think I would have the will to continue pushing down walls when just about every one of my personal abilities was taken away from me. What makes me so ashamed now, is that this time last year I was on here ranting about how I couldn’t go sky diving or go to my dance class because my stupid little heart went into failure.

I have no reason to complain when I am with Drew. You have no reason to complain. Having Drew in my life, knowing him, spending time with him – makes me a better person. Now I just need to get the rest of the world to know him…..

Wrestling Demons

October 16, 2009

Ok, so most of my fighting matches and blogs have been centered around karate, but this one is going to be a little different. Inside all of us are demons we are constantly battling to be the better person we know we can be. The demons that whisper good-for-nothing temptations in your ears. The demons that just curl themselves up in a suitcase for you to carry as extra baggage all your life until you decide to deal with it, until you decide to wrestle.

The big demon I am wrestling right now is Mr.Sandman. You have infiltrated my dreams long enough to no avail. You gave me hopes and beliefs that were not grounded in anything but mirages. And like a camel walking to water, I ran straight to your mirage with open arms, only to end up grabbing at empty air. Just like the feeling you left in my heart – empty. You sprinkled your magic dust in my mind to dream that the universe would grant me that one more wish, only to wake up with a haunted halo.

“Confront the dark parts of your self and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strengths.” – August Wilson

Everyday when I wake up I have demons to wrestle – will I be able to walk, will I make it through the day without a seizure, will I be able to breathe, will I have extra fluid in my chest from my heart. Will I be strong enough to fight it all off, still keep a smile on my face and keep my focus on where I am going in life. Will I truly have the strength to not give up on my fight. Will I be smart enough to make it to where I need to go. Will I know that I’m not all alone when there’s no one there to hold my hand. Will I wake up alive. Will my heart function okay on its own. Maybe that’s the difference between you and me, Mr.Sandman. I don’t have a choice. These demons wait patiently for me as I sleep and seem to be several cups of coffee ahead of me when I wake up. So ready or not, they attack as soon as I get out of bed. Whereas you can simply pack all of your demons in that luggage you carry around. But battling these demons makes me stronger. Battling these demons makes me a better person.  Battling these demons keeps me alive. And soon enough, these demons will get tired of wrestling with me and will move on to the next soul to haunt. And the fact that I am brave enough to get up and fight them everyday, makes my angels sing even louder and motivates me even more.

So, Mr.Sandman, what’s your excuse? What do you possibly have to hide behind? What could be so terrifying that it is greater than life? You know what your demons are. You know the door is right there to walk through to get your battle started, so what’s holding you back? What are you so scared of? That you might actually become a better person, that you might actually feel happy and more alive than you ever felt before? That you might experience some relief from not carrying around all that baggage? (because I promise you, it’s a hell of a lot lighter load) That maybe it’s time for you to finally grow up? That maybe your two regrets don’t have to be regrets but actually dreams you make come true? You are the only one in charge of your own happiness. So own it!

Here’s one thing I do know, when God sends us down strong paths He gives us strong shoes. I happen to also have a pretty good pair of boxing gloves. But in true martial arts fashion – you have to be good on your feet and on the ground. So I keep my demons guessing all the time on what angle I’ll hit them with. You have to figure out what artillery you need to fight your demons. And as angry as I am that you have crossed over the line to the other side to be my demon versus the sweet something to look forward to in my dreams, I wish you all the best with your fight. And hope you find your peace.

Poker Face

October 15, 2009

Several years ago I tried my hand at poker in Las Vegas. Yeah…. let’s just say I lost some money. Guess that means I’m not that great of a poker player. I think one quality that makes a good poker player is the ability to count cards. To know how the deck is stacked against them, or what cards are left you may have left to play with. To me, this is a very important part of the game. If you can’t, then you could easily get blindsided with a pair of Aces you just can’t compete against. Another quality of a good poker player is having that all stoic poker face. Guess that’s why a lot of professional poker players wear sunglasses. You can read so much in someone’s eyes – so why not keep them hidden from the rest of the world? Right.

Well, if those two qualities make a good poker player, then I think it’s pretty obvious why I suck at this game. While I am great at reading the enemy (or for most times the competition), when it comes to matters of the heart, I can never properly count the deck or even see when the deck was so clearly stacked against me that I had no way of winning straight out of the gate. The passionate nature in me makes it impossible for me to keep expressions off my face. I wear my heart on my sleeve. And even in the darkest pair of Prada sunglasses, you will see the pain, hurt and emptiness resonate brightly through my eyes when I have lost, or am about to lose.

In the book, The Last Lecture, Randy Pausch says, “We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.” How profound that is. I can’t change the fact that I have Multiple Sclerosis. There is no cure for it. But what I can do is change everyday how I play my hand depending on the cards MS wants to deal me. And over the years I feel I have become quite the master at this one. You dealt me a hand that would take away my legs. I called your bluff and got them back only with a pair of crazy eight’s!! Every hand you have dealt me, I have methodically, carefully, yet strategically played my way through to where I held the winning card in the end. (why some of this wisdom didn’t carry over to Las Vegas, I know not….) Since I was winning so much there, you decided to raise the stakes on me and deal me a new hand with a failing heart. And right now we are still playing this particular round of poker….. but I’m feeling pretty confident.

The irony here is that I can count how the deck is stacked against me with MS, and I’m slowly but surely getting there with my heart. But when it comes to love, I am the worst poker player around. The cards are dealt and I didn’t even count to see the critical ones that were left to be played. The cards that would make it impossible for me to win. See, the deck was stacked to where I had no chance of ever winning this particular hand. And since I wear my heart on my sleeve, my opponent was able to read my hand without me ever uttering a word. Strike two!! But being the daring and competive person I am, I raised up the anty – all or nothing! But he drew the Queen of Diamonds, and for this round – that was all he needed to kill my hand. Strike three! Maybe we’ll meet again at the poker table, maybe not. Maybe I’ll entertain another match one day, maybe not. Maybe I’ll stop playing cards all together and just stick with chess…..

What I do know is that while my card game is clearly up on this poker table, I still love to play and will move on to the next interesting gamble I can make here in Vegas. But let me leave the winner of this last hand with one piece of advice, and this comes straight from the Eagles – “Don’t you draw the Queen of Diamonds boy, she’ll beat you if she’s able. You know the Queen of Hearts is always your best bet.” Your Queen of Diamonds may have won out for this ONE hand, but always remember that you can never lose when you bet on the Queen of Hearts. Even being down a hand, in the end, she’s always the winner. Too bad your sunglasses are a little too dark to see that. Maybe that poker face doesn’t help you win just as much as you think.

Ponderings of a Sleep Deprived, Heavily Medicated Lunatic

October 5, 2009

After 48-hours of very little sleep, back to back seizures and some pretty heavy medications….. a few thoughts ran across my mind…. WARNING: The following is written off of very little sleep and lots of muscle relaxers!

– Why do I always forget to buy toothpaste when I’m grocery shopping? Even though every time I put it on the stupid list, I still forget it….. And it forces me to make another trip to the store! Ugh!
– Why do we say “sticks & stones may break our bones but words will never hurt me”? When in fact they hurt like hell…
– Has anyone ever really challenged a fast food restaurant that says your meal is for free if they fail to give you a reciept?
– Is Krystal truly better at 4 o’clock in the morning after a night of heavy drinking?
– Why do we hurt the ones we love the most first and push them away?
– When the low fuel light on my gas tank blinks, how many miles do I really have left?
– Why can’t people in Atlanta drive?
– Does Chick-fil-A reuse left over chicken nuggets for the next morning’s chicken-mini’s they serve for breakfast? Don’t get me wrong here, I think it was genius finding a way to let me have chicken nuggets for breakfast, but just wondering….
– Is everything really just black and white, or can we healthily & happily live in shades of gray?
– Can you name one soap opera star that has truly died on a show and never returned from the dead?
– Why can’t the pharmacy assistant at the Walgreen I get my prescriptions filled ever smile? Or say anything nice? She really wants to make your prescription re-fill experience as miserable as possible.
– On Days of our Lives, how many times can Bo and Hope marry, divorce, marry, separate, re-marry and think this really is “forever”?
– Why does every celebrity couple out there think they need a reality show? Do they honestly think we give a damn about their live???
– Why is Watershed the ONLY place I will eat a pimento cheese sandwich (unless I make it myself because I have his recipe)? Other places can say they use the same exact recipe and I don’t trust it……..
– When will the world realize that tuna in a can is not real fish??????
– Why do people think that yelling their argument/point is going to make the other party hear it any better?
– Why is it so hard to say I’m sorry when you truly are, and truly mean it?
– And when someone does say their sorry, why is it sometimes so hard to forgive and forget?
– When I’m at the MS Center, why does everyone automatically assume people want to tell their life stories with the disease? Sometimes we just want to get our IV’s, listen to our iPods and move on…..
– Why does every Mayor in Atlanta promise to fix all the pot holes, yet nothing has been done?
– Is there truly an end date in site somewhere in this century to the road work being done on I-75?
– Be honest, can you really tell the difference between Ragu and Prego spaghetti sauce?
– It takes about 2 seconds from when the traffic light turns green for me to release my foot off the brake and hit the gas. Why is this never fast enough for the guy behind me?
– What are those ladies really saying about you at the nail salon as they give you a pedicure??
– Is breakfast really better when eaten for dinner?
– What in the world is it in Paula Deen’s Chicken Pot Pie that makes it so damn good?
– Do all actresses use fake eye lashes, or are some people naturally born with thicker eye lashes?
– Why do I always grow my hair out in the summer when it’s hot and cut it in the winter when it’s cold???
– Why is it that Jack Daniels has 0mg of sodium but it not good for your heart, yet red wine has 35 mg of sodium and is supposed to be good for your heart???

– If he really does love her, why won’t he just tell her???????????? Maybe she needs to hear it……

I’m Permanent

September 28, 2009

So, Reality….. it’s been awhile since you and I have met in the ring for a match. I have to say it’s been interesting watching how our battles have grown, strategies changed, fighting styles matured even. And sometimes when you think I’m not looking, you try to throw a left hook in there to knock me off my feet. But what you keep forgetting is how my fighting style has changed, has grown, has matured. And you also seem to forget that I have one hell of a spinning back kick that has the force to break ribs (and has broken many boards in my lifetime!)

When we first started this little sparring match, I came out swinging with everything I had in me. I won a few rounds, and lost a few. I will say, I had some strong knockouts in my corner, but the rounds I lost were pretty brutal. Not only from a physical aspect, but an emotional one too. What I didn’t realize at first was that my wins were not enough to hold me through the losses. As I said before, in battle, the psychological warfare is just as important as the physical one. Where I once proudly wore the label of winner, I allowed you to replace it with one of damaged goods. Where I had gotten comfortable with the idea of being single, you made anger become my new companion. My hot air balloon that said I was going to be larger than life, you deflated. All of the essence that I felt made Lindsey, that defined me – you slowly took them away, one by one; leaving me empty. I needed more artillery. I needed a different strategy, my body wasn’t physically strong enough to just fight on its own like I had for all the years before with MS. A few months ago I wrote about how my strategy was changing, that I was no longer going to fight this fight by myself.  To take on me, you had to take on my army. (and need I just remind you one more time that my Dad is really not someone you want to piss off….. he was and still is one hell of a fighter and an incredible martial artist)

My new strategy was inspired by one of my martial artist heros – Bruce Lee. He was formally trained in Kung Fu, but later on developed his own “style” Jeet Kune Do, which means the way of intercepting the fist. That’s what I needed – a way to intercept your fist Reality. He felt that traditional styles of martial arts was too restrained and rigid, that the techniques were not practical for real-world street fighting. And I have to agree with him. Take for example one of the forms for Tae Kwon Do. It has me fighting off 6 attackers. But in the form, not all of the “invisible” attackers will attack at the same time, they remain stationary as you work your way through them. If I were truly in a street fight with 6 people, I guarantee you that three of them will be trying to hold me down while the others attack. (good luck with that by the way…) So, Bruce Lee developed his own philosophy that was outside the box, but better prepared his students for combat. I tried to take a similar approach, think a little outside the box, but better prepare myself for combat. That’s where I created my army of soldiers that have vowed to fight with me till the end.

And I’m proud to say that my new strategy is paying off! Today, the cardio told me he thought my heart sounded strong. That’s right, you heard me correctly Reality – STRONG! I’ll say it one more time, not weak but STRONG! In fact, he read my last echo to be 10% higher on my ejection fraction than what was previously reported. Do you know what that means???? I am safely out of the range of needing a pacemaker or defibulator in my chest. My heart is strong enough to pump/beat on its own. My heart is strong enough for me to start physically building back up my core strength. And when I do, buddy you really better watch out because the two things I want soo badly are back in my dance class and back on the mat in the dojo!

Learning to survive and adapt to this new life is my mission. Out of everything my army has given me, I feel like time is the most precious gift I can give back, and that’s just not something I’m willing to give up to you anymore Reality.

For some reason over the last couple of days, the song “Permanent” by David Cook has been playing on the playlist shuffle on my ipod. There is a line that has really stuck with me, “Will you think that you’re all alone, when no one’s there to hold your hand?”. See, that’s the point Reality. You wanted me to believe I was all alone. But I know that there isn’t a second of this fight, there isn’t a beat of my heart that goes alone. My heart would not be in the place it is today without my army.

Hope and motivation comes in all shapes and sizes. Whether it’s the Father that calmly prepares his daughter for the LSAT with his infinite words of wisdom or the Mother that firmly stands as that rock you can always lean on when you’re too tired to stand. Whether it’s that friend that won’t stop pushing you until you take that test or the sister that reminds you of how important you really are. Whether it’s a bite size snack that makes your sides hurt from laughing so hard or the goofiness that occurs from mixing chicken rings with Grey’s Anatomy. Whether it’s the Days of Thunder that make your heart feel alive again or an inspiring new friendship wrapped up in a Vince Dooley tie.

Not only am I not alone, Reality. I’m Permanent!

On Bruce Lee’s gravestone it says, “Your inspiration continues to guide us toward our personal liberation.” How true that is for me. Bruce also said that they key to immortality is first living a life worth remembering. I’ll venture out there to say there are a handful of people who think my life is worth remembering. Again Reality, I’m Permanent! I’ll go ahead and score this fight as a win for Team Lindsey!!

Permanent by: David Cook
Is this the moment where I look you in the eye?
Forgive my broken promise that you’ll never see me cry
And everything, it will surely change
Even if I tell you I won’t go away today

Will you think that you’re all alone
When no one’s there to hold your hand?
When all you know seems so far away
And everything is temporary, rest your head
I’m permanent

I know he’s living in hell every single day
And so I ask, oh God is there some way for me to take his place?
And when they say it’s all touch and go
I wish I could make it go away but still you say

Will you think that you’re all alone
When no one’s there to hold your hand?
When all you know seems so far away
And everything is temporary, rest your head
I’m permanent, I’m permanent

Is this the moment where I look you in the eye?
Forgive my promise that you’ll never see me cry

All Fired Up

August 9, 2009

So… I have to say it took a couple of days to cool off from this to be able to write without every other word being a curse word. I was told the statement, “MS sounds an awful lot like BS!!!”

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? ARE YOU BEING SERIOUS???? Could you honestly be any more insulting to me?

Living with my eyes closed, goin day to day
I never knew the difference, I never cared either way
(Pat Benetar, All Fired Up)

Before being diagnosed with MS, I did take so much for granted. Everyday luxeries that can be such a challenge for me now. MS changed my life forever on how I view the world, the luxeries I thank God I can do when I can do them!

So, everytime I lost my ability to walk and needed the assistance of my cane or walker – that’s BS?
Everytime I have a seizure that makes me flop like a fish out of water – that’s BS?
Everytime I lose feeling in my hands and my arms and I can’t feed myself – that’s BS?
Needing hand controls in my car because from day to day we never knew if I would be able to walk – that’s BS?
Having my doctor sit on my hospital bed and tell me he didn’t know if I would ever walk again – that’s BS?
Three years of chemotherapy that has now put my heart into failure – that’s BS?

Ain’t nobody livin, in a perfect world
Everybody’s out there, cryin to be heard
Now I got a new fire, burnin’ in my eyes
Lightin up the darkness, movin like a meterorite

I’ll tell you what is BS – your medical opinion on this matter. And if you think this is the last you will hear of this, you have another thing coming. I am all fired up over this! You can call me BS all you want to, but back off of the other 400,000 people diagnosed in the US with MS.

That’s right, did you know that approximately 400,000 Americans have MS? Every week about 200 people are diagnosed and worldwide MS affects about 2.5 million people. So all of this is BS??? There are 4 types of MS. Before disease-modifying drugs became available, 50% of people with relapsing-remitting MS (which is what I have) developed secondary-progressive MS within 10 years. So, scientist came up with BS meds to stop the progression of a BS disease, is that what you’re still telling me???

The MS Society was founded in 1946. Across the country there are over 460,000 volunteers. So all of these people are volunteering for a disease that is just BS, they’re just wasting their time??? In 2007, the Society’s total revenue was $241 million. Are you calling that kind of money BS? There were over 100,000 cyclist that rode in over 100 MS Bike Tour rides across the country. And I was one of those cyclists – so all of this is BS????

All Fired Up
Now I believe there comes a time
All Fired Up
When everything just falls in line
All Fired Up
We live and learn from our mistakes
All Fired Up
The deepest cuts are healed by faith

I hope you learn from the mistake of calling this disease BS. It is anything but. It is a serious, debilitating disease that you wouldn’t begin to know how to handle. And as much as this disease may cripple me, it’s not near as crippling as your ignorance is to you. Keep that in mind next time you want to try and pick on me or one of my kind. And let this be fair warning, you make a comment like that again, you will be checked – fast. Because you’ve got me all fired up, and I’m not backing down!

You Can’t Hold Me Down

August 4, 2009

So, a couple of weeks ago the MS Society called me to see if the Legs for Lindsey Bike Team would be riding again this year. I painfully told them no. It was especially hard because the day they called I had just gotten my bike set up on the windtrainer and rode for the first time since my heart went kapoot. It was a reminder of how much I took for granted. I thought that was a hard lesson I learned with MS, but the heart took away a whole different set of skills, abilities, luxuries that I took/take for granted on a daily basis. In December when they told me I had heart failure, one of the doctors laughed when I asked is I could run again. He said I would never run a marathon ever again. (I must note here that before Dec I hadn’t ever run a marathon, but it’s always been one of my life goals.)

Anyone that knows me, or hell, even reads this blog knows that I don’t take the word never very lightly. So, how about this, I’ll see your 26 miles and raise you 150!! Legs for Lindsey may not be on the road for this year’s MS Bike Tour, but we will be next year. I already have a training program laid out that works within the confines of my heart limits. I’m back on my bike and in time will be riding the distances I need to make those 150!!!

Lance has come back this year and so can I. I won’t let you hold me DOWN!! Oh, and let me be clear here, I’m finally being smart about how I am fighting this, so don’t think I just hopped on the bike and road 50 miles.

“Down, you can’t hold me down
Cause when no one is around
I won’t be standing here
Just waiting for you to come back home again
Down, you can’t hold me down
Because I finally understand
That what you did is
Not so bad in fact it’s better for me”
– Down by: Safety Suit

So, heart failure, as far as I’m concerned I hope when you see my face it gives you hell! Instead of punching you this time, I’ll just ride over you!! I’ll see you on the hills!!!!!

Welcome

January 4, 2009

Well, please let me welcome you to my new blog. 2008 was hands down the worst year of my life and I am bound and determined to make 2009 one of the best years of my life. So let me quickly recap for you my lovely last year of existance. I continued my 11 year battle against Mulitple Sclerosis (and don’t feel I made any significant victories in my little war), I got divorced, I found out one of my best friends was really not my friend at all, I ventured back out into the dating world only to realize that not only was I not really ready but men still lie, cheat and steal to get their ways regardless of it’s impact on you (but have no fear – I am not a man hater), I started losing my ability to breathe and was admitted into the hospital for congestive heart failure (that’s right – the good ole ticker was only working at 15%!!), I won’t even venture into the family drama that has gone on lately that only makes me sick to my stomach, and I got to close out the year with a whole new life of low sodium diets & changing how I pretty much do everything. Oh… and did I mention I am only 31?????

So, my New Years Resolution for 2009 was me! To figure out this crazy path of living with heart falure, get to know me all over again so I can figure out what I want & who I want to spend my time with and find some cemblance of inner peace! There is a saying that negativity begets negativity (read Nicole’s post on facebook, it’s a good one!) What you put out into the universe comes back to you. My normal way of dealing with all of life’s stresses and ups & downs was to hit the gym for a hard workout or go for a really hard run or just dance my heart out. And right now with my heart, I can’t do those things (they say too much adrenaline right now could make the dumb thing explode!). Therefore, I am releasing in one of the first ways I know how to – to vent, to rant, to write, and to learn.

This blog will not just be a ranting of all the things that have gone wrong in my life. This will be a journey as I discover everything that has gone right. It will be a learning experience for both of us about heart failure, MS, health, love, life and new ways of living. I do want this to also be educational. Just the little bit I have learned about low sodium and the effects on your body are amazing. Anyways, more on that later….

Now to explain why I chose the name, “Salt is NOT the Spice of Life”. Think about salt in your life. What do we use it for? Chefs, cooks, people in general use salt to flavor food – to add a certain spice, taste or kick. It enhances the flavor of the food. If you ever watch Rachel Ray on Food Network, she always throws salt over her shoulder when she cooks with it for good luck. There are containers of bath salts that you can add to your bath to help relax the body and create a more enjoyable bubble bath experience. While that is how salt effects most normal people’s lives, it does none of those things for me. Salt is not only my enemy now, I have to also learn how to make it my friend. Too much salt and I’m in trouble. Too little salt and I’m in trouble. It’s a weird balance that I am trying to figure out. Salt doesn’t add flavor to my food or my life, it doesn’t relax me. In fact, it does the exact opposite – I stress out all the time now about salt. So for me, Salt is not the spice of my life. But I know in 2009, I will find out exactly what is!!

I have always believed that when God closes a door He opens a window somewhere. I feel a lot of doors were slammed in my face in 2008 and I am crawling thru this window for 2009. I hope you will come with me and help me enjoy this journey!