Can we get a ski lift here people????

I’m sure everyone has been told at some point in their life that you have to pick and chose your battles. Especially if you’re a parent (I’ve heard…). While I’m not a parent, I’m somewhat in the same boat. I’m having to very carefully pick and chose my battles. Is it more important for me to enjoy that Big Mac or be able to breathe tonight when I lay down to go sleep? You may think this one is an easy decision, but when you are deprived certain foods, it gets hard. As symptoms for both my heart failure and MS progress, its coming to a pivotal point where I will have to pick which battle to fight. Since it seems I can’t truly fight both right now without doing fatal damage to my heart??? So what is more important to me – the ability to walk without problems everyday or my heart’s functionality? I know many may look at that question and think the answer is so easy – stop being vain Lindsey! But truthfully, its not so easy….

I can see in my mind exactly where I want to be, but there is a big voice from my doctor telling me I will probably never get there. When I close my eyes, I am back in my dance studio. Every song I hear on the radio I can choregraph in my mind how I would work the floor, rock the pole. Feel the music embrace every fiber of my soul and let it translate on the dance floor. So is it more important for me to be that dancer I know in my heart I can be, or is it more important for me to be alive? (because my heart is too weak to take that type of adrenaline to it, cadiac arrest!)

I love taking chances, taking risks. There was a big one I took last year that about gave my mom a heart attack – skydiving. And can I tell you its addicting (just like tattoos!!) I can close my eyes and feel the powerful rush of the air as I sore thru it at 150mph. I can sense the intense, peaceful and crazy sensation that permeates thru your body while you have a view of the world few ever get. And for me, its the one time that I can give true meaning to the saying “walking maybe difficult but together we fly”. I can fly….. So is more important to me to fly or is more important to me to keep my heart intact (as I’m told this could make it possibly explode…)?

Now, maybe you can somewhat start to see why it may not be so easy for me to pick and chose my battles. I know that goodbyes are a second chance. And it may just be time for me to start crafting some new dreams for my life, but I’m just not yet ready to let go of the old ones and say goodbye. My life over the last 15 years has been a constant uphill battle. And until 2008, I never lost.  To be honest, I still don’t know if I am losing some of my battles or if I am just being too stubborn to see the real win before me because its not the one I envisioned???

I will tell you the biggest battle I have to compete with is patience. If I can endure the long run, wait it out, sit still and listen then I may not have to give up on my dreams…..
If you are a parent of a little girl right now, I’m sure you are sick and tired of the name Miley Cyrus. I will admit that Hannah Montana gets on my nerves a little. But I have to give this girl credit, she has one of the best songs out on the radio right now. And as much as I love to write, I couldn’t have put into words any better the struggle I have been facing. “Ain’t about how fast I get there, Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side, It’s the climb.” How incredibly true. Maybe one of these days I will truly believe that its not all important what’s on the other side, because again – I’m not quite ready to let go of the dreams I have. In the meantime, it would be nice if I could get a little help with the climb……

The Climb lyrics
Songwriters: Alexander, J; Mabe, J;

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there’s a voice inside my head saying
“You’ll never reach it”

Every step I’m taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There’s always gonna be another mountain
I’m always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose

Ain’t about how fast I get there
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb

The struggles I’m facing
The chances I’m taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I’m not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I’m gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

‘Cause there’s always gonna be another mountain
I’m always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose

Ain’t about how fast I get there
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb, yeah!

There’s always gonna be another mountain
I’m always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody’s gonna have to lose

Ain’t about how fast I get there
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It’s all about, it’s all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa

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One Response to “Can we get a ski lift here people????”

  1. cathy bowyer Says:

    OH LINZ, you are an amazing person!! Oh how I wish you could sit down and rest awhile and I could fight your battles for you. I can’t imagine how tired you must be.
    I love you, you are still my hero!! love mom

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