Salt is Not the Spice of Life’s Blog

Dear DaddyFrank,

I can’t tell you how much I miss you. Right about now I could really use a steak from Calhoun’s with you. I really need to be saying this on one of our visits, but I don’t know the next time I will get back to Knoxville, hence I’m writing.

DaddyFrank, I really wanted to apologize. I finally get it, I finally understand. I am so sorry for all those times I nagged you about having another cocktail, watching what you ate, taking your blood sugar, and all of the rest of the things that I thought would make your health better. See, I was just being selfish. I wasn’t ready to let you go. I thought if you did all of those things just as the doctor ordered then you would be here for many more years. But for you it wasn’t about adding years, it was about being happy and enjoying the years you had left, not living miserably. I get that now. And I am so sorry, because all you wanted was for us to live happy with you and not think about the end consequences.

Now I am on the other side of the fence. And I want to live happy, but everywhere I turn I’m being told what I should be doing differently to add years to my life. Great, so I add some years to my life but I will have a miserable existance. DaddyFrank, I wish you knew how sorry I am. I should have raised my glass with you and toasted the time we had together instead of being scared of the time we would be apart. I am sorry for the nagging. I am sorry for being selfish. I am sorry for thinking I knew what was better for your life than you did. Because in the end, others may not understand the decisions we make, but if they love us – they should respect them.

Now I know better. Now I realize the error of my ways. Now I endure the nagging, the constant criticism of how I live my life. I know its only because people love me and want to add years to my life. Even if it’s not years I want and even if it’s years that I will live a miserable existance.

And you just wanted the family to be happy and enjoy our time together with you. You knew first hand that life is too short to stay angry. A lesson that many in our family can’t seem to grasp. And unfortunately it took my heart going into failure for me to truly understand it. But now, I get. Now, I finally understand. And my prayer for our family is that we can all just put our differences aside, forgive what ever grievances there are and just be the family you and Granny created. Because life is short. And sadly, for some of us, our lives are shorter than others.

So now DaddyFrank, I raise my glass to you in the memories we had and the lessons you taught me. For what is this life worth if in the end you were too proud to say you were sorry when they were alive?? And what is this life worth if you can’t live it to the fullest??

Until we meet again,
With all my love and admiration,

Your grandaughter – Lindsey

This entry was posted on May 3, 2009 at 7:19 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.