Haunted Halo??

I don’t remember what famous person said this, but someone said there is no remedy for love but to love more. Does your heart truly have the capacity to love again once it’s been shattered into a million little pieces? Even though over time wounds begin to heal and you slowly start putting the pieces of your heart back together – how do you know it’s okay to love again, to feel? How do you know it’s ready? How do you get rid of the ghosts that seem to haunt your heart?

“Remember those walls I built, well baby they’re coming down..
And they didn’t put a fight, they didn’t even make a sound
I found a way to let you in, but I never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of your halo, I got my angel now”
  (Beyonce: Halo)

How can one person have such an effect on you – without even hearing their voice or seeing their face. It’s like Mr.Sandman. He slips into your dreams at night – at the time your are the most defenseless. At a time he knows you can’t fight him off. At a time when you can’t run and hide your heart.

Do you believe in fantasies? Is it stupid to believe in them? Is it careless to think I want to put my heart back out there again, as haunted as it may be…. back out on the chopping block? Does it even have to be that way? Is it possible for the ghosts to go away and trust that your heart can feel again? And why does this sandman slip in and out of my thoughts when I least expect it?

No one has been able to penetrate this shield I have put up around my heart. Maybe that’s what’s so intriguing to me – I’m fascinated over what entity has the magic to make my guard disappear. To make my heart not scared to take a chance again. I’m captivated by the sandman that for one moment can put my ghosts to rest.

Once I let these floodgates open, it was smothering the effect that took place. Relationships I thought were lost forever began to heal, memories that had burned for so long were extinguished with the words “I’m sorry…..”.

Somewhere in the space between “no” and “yes” is this sea of mystery and intrigue that Mr.Sandman keeps pulling me deeper and deeper into. If dreams really are the insight into your soul, then what is it that Mr.Sandman is trying to tell me? So… I guess the real question is how do I play this chess game? Do I take that chance and move my knight into place, or do I wait for Mr.Sandman to finally show his face? There’s a part of me that wants to reach out and grab his hand, but then I wake up…. Could it be that Mr.Sandman is my angel, or will I forever have a haunted halo?????

I want my heart to be free, I don’t want it haunted anymore…..

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5 Responses to “Haunted Halo??”

  1. pam Says:

    someone wise once told me, one of the bravest person you’ll know, is the person who always has the courage to love again. =)

  2. kris Says:

    there are nights the dream is so real and yet i wake in tears, knowing i once loved and was loved but didnt love back enough.. the lesson learned is valuable, the grief passes, but the memory haunts. somewhere with gods grace, i believe we find courage to love again, to risk our hearts, and like our faith in Him; we discover something magical that cannot be proven by science, measured or explained, but is true.

    • saltisnotthespiceoflife Says:

      There is definitely something magical there that cannot be explained. Its just something amazing I feel, a fluttering in my heart I just didn’t think it was capable of having again. I don’t want to wake up and realize that I didn’t take the chance to love again….

  3. pam Says:

    it’ll be a great love story once its written. ;))

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